Past

 Recently my husband asked me if I remembered when I first had a studio. He could not place when I really began this creative journey and neither could I. Delving into the past we stumbled around in the dark for a while.

 

Celebrating the past 39 years

Considering we just celebrated thirty-nine years of marriage, the stumbling is not especially surprising. In spite of the effort, a look at the past is valuable in that it can give us a new perspective. I tend to be quite negative about my accomplishments and what I feel I have yet to do. It has been quite a ride.

Constructing an easel

In the beginning I was very determined to be what I was told was a waste of time. I remember constructing an easel for myself shortly after I left my family of origin. I found giving myself permission to paint was an entirely different and more difficult task. The past can be a prison.

Painting the past

Once I met and married the love of my life, he encouraged me to re-enter the creative world. So I stepped into a few workshops and was told I ought to be teaching them rather than taking them. Gaining more confidence, I allowed a small corner table in a bedroom where I was more concerned about soiling the linens and the floor than about painting. Here I produced a vignette of my husband’s past and gave it to him as a present.

 

Photo (Empty Dreams/le vainqueur)

More teaching than painting

We moved to a different community in which I allowed myself a day off per week from running a household and taking care of our four children. In this place I took on a space, an old classroom in which I could paint and teach. I entered a few competitions with some of my past paintings and won some prizes. My creative space, however, remained more of a teaching venue than a studio.

 

Overwhelming past issues

Past issues overwhelmed me in our next town. Only another small corner in a rented room gave me the space where I could paint a little. I took on a small watercolour commission and taught a few community classes.

 

Moving past limitations

Ten years into our marriage and in a new province, I moved into the garage. Another ten years brought a rented space where I could paint murals. My own work began to grow from small studies to large canvases as I had discovered big! The past had less of a hold on me and I paid for everything with teaching and commissions. My personal production rate remained one or two paintings per year.

 

Mastermind

What kicked me into gear was my mastermind whom I met in 2010. They challenged me to move past my wounds and step into professionalism. Seven paintings in seven weeks. Thankfully, I had just stared planning my first series. Seven paintings in six weeks proved not to be impossible. Most of them were large pieces, 40x60”, 56x40”, 30x60” for example. I was flabbergasted. Although my desire had been to be a professional artist, I had never given myself permission to be.

 

Happy in a garage

I am still in a garage. As a result, I do not pay rent. I have regular hours with a display space and a workspace. My dream come true. Unlike past years, I do give myself permission to be and it is a wonderful place to begin a new year. Happy New Year everyone!

Attitude

Our state of mind often determines whether we receive challenges with ease or with trepidation. Fortunately, our attitude lies within our control.

To begin with, it seems as if reactions are uncontrollable. first of all, I must recognize the consequences within me of the thoughts and ideas around me. I get to choose which wolf to feed. My attitude depends on whether or not I feed the wolf of fear. 

While I recognize the long period of time it has taken to change my attitude from fear to confidence, I celebrate the peace I enjoy today. I welcome this period of isolation as it gives me time to reflect on the most important issues of the day. I get to choose where to put my energy. 

A global pandemic awakens the world to new possibility. We could build a new world instead of rebuilding the old one. Obviously, the old one is not working anymore anyway. Yet in order to rebuild we need an attitude of adventure embracing possibility.

Certainly, in the art world things are changing rapidly. There is little doubt it will never be the same. It could be better. Amidst the closing museum, galleries and festivals new venues are opening. For an interesting discussion on these topics listen to the Art Angle Podcast.

The attitude of solidarity grows as we reach out to connect in new ways. People have power in solidarity. The solution lies in the ground swell of those demanding a more equitable distribution of wealth. Protecting our planet and its resources also comes to the fore. Creating a circular economy becomes priority.

We live in exciting times. Let us embrace the new and the miracle of possibility. A positive attitude will lead us to new ideas and new solutions. In the meantime, rest. Reconnect. Open to the possible. Celebrate. All is well.

Accumulation

Accumulation seems to be part of the human makeup although some are better at it than others. It has been two weeks since I have been out of the studio and I have noticed a decided accumulation of papers around my computer indicating things are not getting done. Being sick is a nuisance. There is so much I wish to accomplish in the short month ahead. I am in the process of evaluating some very old work, reassessing, reducing and preparing for the new grand opening of my little gallery “Inspirations”. I hope to have some new work to show and things are moving…. slowly…. I have been warned not to push myself too hard, too soon, or I will end up back in bed. Sigh. Let go. Go with the flow… I think I prefer rapids…. It felt good this morning as I added a few more layers to the panels I am readying for the new mixed media series. I have decided to once again send out my blog the old way as my new website is still waiting for my finishing touches. All is well and all will be well. The world will not come to an end if I miss my deadlines… I am having trouble believing that…. Relax, breathe… Life is good.

Suspended

Hello world!! Last Monday I was in bed with a 40°C fever and today I am still dragging myself through the day. For all intents and purposes life as I know it is suspended until further notice. There are several monumental happenings coming up very quickly like the grand reopening of my gallery “Inspirations” on the 2^nd April. I begin drawing classes on the 30^th March and my new website should be up and running sometime this week. A few deadlines for submissions are also rearing their timely heads and what am I doing? Sleeping mostly. Cancelling appointments. Making it through each day. At last I surrender. I will be making an appointment with the doctor tomorrow just to make sure I don’t have pneumonia or something serious. I am so done being sick. On the up side I have released some extra weight and my contemplative prayer skills have definitely improved. Next Monday I hope to introduce you a fully integrated system with my blog, FB, Twitter, all through my new website. Life is still good.

Fundraisers or Working Under Pressure

I really do not know how well the fundraiser for the Lois Hole Hospital went. I do know I had a blast. It was so much fun working with two models at the same time. The up close part was a little difficult as the perspective was not the usual being that I was looking up thereby making the heads a lot smaller than what is typically expected. In the end eliminating the heads made the drawing easier…. Off with their heads, I say!! I love having control… Of the three drawings one was auctioned, one was sold and the other came home with me. There is one aspect of this art business that eludes me. The fellow who bought the sketch is completely unknown. I forgot to ask his name and his contact information so I could pester him with invitations to other shows. Sigh… It is a good thing I have a husband who provides food and shelter… among other things. Life is good.

Painting in the Dark

If one likes jazz this is the evening of the year!! So fun. CAVA sponsors a fundraising event each January to cover some of the gallery’s expenses inviting several artists and a jazz ensemble to create together. The visual pieces produced by the artists are then auctioned off at the intermissions. I was asked to draw three portraits during the evening, the winning prize of an ongoing raffle for which the patrons purchased tickets. On average I spent about ten minutes with two colours (quinachridone gold and purple) from the Daniel Smith line of watercolour sticks and ended up doing four portraits. It turned out to be a popular item on the agenda! In the meantime I decided to play with some watercolour on the side. As one can see from the less than steady photos, the conditions are not ideal. There are few masterpieces produced, if any, yet people are there for a purpose and the money rolls in. I missed out on most of the delicious food but the wine was good. Life is so good.

P.S. I have been invited to participate in another fundraiser for the Lois Hole Hospital here in Edmonton. It is happening on Saturday. So if you are in town....

Naming Work

There is some discussion about whether or not one should name a painting or a drawing or an installation. Abstracts are often numbered. I like choosing a name. Often, I am told, it allows the viewer to get in the door. Sometimes is closes it. This image came to me while I was meditating one morning. Having a sketchbook beside my bed I leaned over to record the inspiration before continuing contemplation. It stayed in my sketchbook for some time, incubating. This week I decided to develop it as a linocut. I printed around forty images. They are all different. I am in the process of editing (ripping up the less desirable ones). My intention is to enter a certain competition, an ongoing occupation. And the name? To begin with I chose “Never Alone”. Having sat with that for a while I became increasingly aware of the negative energy around ‘never’. Although the image can be challenging my intention is to share the hope. Sometimes I feel all alone, even in a crowd. I am sure everyone experiences this at various times while living life. I have come to know, however, the feeling is fleeting and false. I am not alone. I am “Beloved”. Life is good. 

P.S.

Don't miss the JazzArt event at Bonnie Doon Community League (9240 93 St Edmonton) this Saturday at 7pm. Should be fun.