I suspect it is part of the human condition. This past
week has provided distinct learning curves within the negative patterning of my
being. Over the years I have become an observer of certain recurring triggers.
We all experience them. Some of us can name them and others have no idea why
they spiral into depression. A particularly powerful, deep-rooted hook set off
the usual reactions within me. The regular routine for me is a period of pain,
followed by anger and self-recrimination leading to severe depression and
damaged relationships. This is not something I wish to repeat. In the past I
have tried various forms of resistance: positive thinking, distraction,
journaling and bubble baths. Recently I have discovered “Welcoming Prayer”. I
must admit this is not something I do perfectly. What I have noticed however is
a distinct difference in results. Instead of resisting I welcomed the pain,
the feelings, the past memories. I welcomed them until I felt as if I really did
welcome them: quiet, calm, soft words of repeated welcome. In the ensuing state
of sadness I released the long held anchors of self-hate: I let go of my desire
for perfection, I let go of my desire to be accepted, I let go of my desire for
control, etc. The space created within me allows for hugs, nurturing and
healthy grieving. Yes, I am grieving a loss. I am allowing the pain and in the
allowing it passes. Instead of months or weeks the process takes a few hours.
The second and third triggers were not dealt with so effectively but I did
manage to take the birthday cake to the party as is. Its abstracted nature did
not detract from its excellent taste! Life is still good.
The link for more information on the Redwater Art
Society workshop “Developing Landscapes in Acrylic” is: Alannah Ronnie norleas@shaw.ca or Carol Mervyn Keon lostdogartc@gmail.com
