Smog

At last the sun has arrived. That was my thought before the snow storm this weekend. Driving to my studio last week I noticed that there were very few clouds in the sky but the day was not bright. Looking across the open space towards the new housing developments everything looked as if it were in a fog. I knew it was not fog. The sun was too bright and too hot for it to be fog. The next day I happened to notice an article in an older newspaper that inhabits our kitchen table and my suspicions were confirmed. Smog. It lingered for many days. I guess the atmospheric conditions were just right for the collection of undesired additives to our breathing space. Why did I want to move into the city? Ah, yes. Less driving. Mmmm. Life is full of choices. Each choice has a benefit and a price. Today brings with it another choice. I can stay home and work on the computer all day or I can go to my studio…. The latter is far more enticing. The murals beckon. My new watercolour insists. Sigh…. I could make the sacrifice and take up my brushes in two different media…. Well, maybe only one for now. The murals are at the drawing stage at the moment. It is so much fun watching them come alive… Oops! Did I say ‘fun’? Really, it is a sacrifice… I will choose fun over the computer work this time! The price is high, really….. It feels good to be free. Life is good.

Insomnia

In half an hour it will be tomorrow. I cannot sleep. There was a time when I could. In fact I remember barely touching the pillow and sleep overcame me. So why can’t I sleep tonight and last night and the night before? My tooth is aching. It is a bother but I do not think that is the real reason. I have had too much sugar today. A dietary imbalance is more likely. So what is the real reason? My husband keeps asking me why I am so quiet these days. Lately I have been quiet, maybe unusually quiet. Why does he find that disturbing? What is disturbing me?

I am afraid. Afraid of what? BraveHeart may be the door through which I can move into being all I am called to be.

We watched a Ron Rolheiser DVD this afternoon. He talked about the cross and what it means. He talked about what it teaches us and what it calls us to do. The lessons it teaches are that God is unconditional love and that his power comes through his vulnerability, the power of a baby. The call of the cross is to step into the pain and the suffering of vulnerability with the grace of surrender rather than resentment and bitterness.

These last twenty years I have been learning about how bitter I have been. It has been a process of awareness, grieving and letting go. I am now called to stand before the world helpless and naked, accepting what comes in the freedom and power of knowing who I am and what my purpose is. I am called to be an example. By being open and vulnerable I allow other women around me to do the same. I set them free to be all they can be. I set my daughters free. The only way to do that is by moving through the fear, agonizing in the garden and giving my life away, gratis, no strings attached. I am in the garden. I am looking for a way to glory without the pain of the cross and I know that is not possible. I have been in the garden before. Many times. Life is like that. When I think I have learned all I need to know I get a new lesson, a deeper lesson. So far I have avoided bitterness by choosing surrender. It is so the way to go.

Lord, I place myself and who I am as a woman in your hands. Once more help me to surrender freely, generously, with grace and ease. Amen.

Selective

Watercolours are compact. They do not take up much space. I am delighted my creative spirit can still be indulged in an effective manner even in cramped quarters. The image shows how I approach watercolour most of the time. En plein air and life drawings in watercolour are quite a bit looser simply because of the time restrictions. There are certain principles that I always follow nonetheless. One is the wisdom in keeping my colours clean. This applies to any medium. I tend not to mix either watercolours or acrylic preferring to allow the individual colours to mix and mingle on their own, supplying their own vibrancy to each piece. In the photo you can see several jar lids in which I have premixed washes of various colours. There are two lids per colour, one light wash, one medium to heavy wash and the palette has been sprayed with water to activate the pan colours so that should I choose to have a stronger, deeper shadow for example I can go directly into the pan and apply the very densest colour to an already wet surface on the paper. Each colour has its own brush. There are two pots of water, one for cleaning the brush between colour changes and the other for adding pure, clean water to the brush or the lids as needed. There is a strip of paper with dabs of paint on it. That is the test strip. If I am unsure of the strength of the wash I wish to apply to the painting I test it first to see. The other essential ingredient in the process is the folded paper towel at the top. Once I have selected the area I wish to paint I go into it with the first wash then, before it dries, I choose another colour and drop that colour into the wet paint until I a satisfied with the result. Often this means that the second brush has been contaminated with the first colour. A little dab on the paper towel usually cleans things up. If not I dip the brush into the clean water and dab again. In this way each brush and its pigment are kept clean. There is another brush. It is a clean one. I use it to soften edges and pick up overflow collections of liquid. It is a great eraser too. So that is the lesson for today. Happy painting!

Waiting

Waiting for paint to dry is a time-honoured process. On occasion I can grab a cup of coffee and sit out a few minutes. This is rarely what I do. In most cases the drying requires several hours and even overnight. I could go home. Instead I choose to fill the hours with other projects. As you can see my studio is overfull at the moment with mural commissions. The set of vignettes are just about finished. One more coat of varnish and out the door they go! The other panels are waiting for the first gesso coat, there are about five layers of colour to be added before I begin drawing in the desired images. Lots of waiting time. Sooooo…. I am very thankful watercolour does not take up much space because there is really not a lot around. Behind the panels and just before the outside door my drafting table is home to the heavy tools for which I no longer have a workbench. There are also a variety of pens, pencils, polished rocks, and memorabilia occupying that end of the desk. At the other end there is just enough space to place a full sheet of watercolour paper with my full palette and the array of brushes. I cannot tell you how wonderful it is to be painting regularly again! Yes, yes, I am always painting. There is, however, a huge difference between commissioned painting and artistic exploration and creation. There is so much more room to allow the paint to flow as it chooses. Room. I have waiting room! Delicious.

Crowded

I am thankful I got the panels cut before I brought them into my studio. There are four of them, four by six, going through the process of preparation before I can actually begin painting the images. Last week I also picked up another three panels, vignettes, three by four that have had some water damage which needs repairing. The third set has not arrived. I am thankful that the larger one, nine by seven, will be painted on fabric. How I will prepare the sheets is a bit of a puzzle. I always enjoy a challenge. It is all about logistics and having a rhythm. The smaller ones will be finished first and out the door. Once the preparation of the next set is completed I will have space to prepare the fabric, with a little rearranging. I will see if my false wall will turn into a tabletop rendering the whole job so much easier…. Walking around the table will still be a requirement… my body may be a bit too generously proportioned. All three sets are required before the end of June. Summer is installation and unveiling time, filled with the sweet smells of celebration. Yes! Back to work.

Romanian History

This is the second mural on which I am presently working. It is awaiting approval. The meeting is this week. Whew! I will take the moment to prepare the other one. This mural is quite a bit bigger though. These panels (although the approximately the same size as the other watercolour sketches) measure about nine feet by seven feet instead of four by six. Each set has four images. The center one for this mural is actually two doors so the image must be adjusted in order that the subject is easily divided without any disturbing misalignments. Straight lines are not good to have crossing an opening. Half a head is really not suitable either. When the doors are open whole bodies are better on either side of the gap and any straight lines must come together when they are closed. In this case it is easier for me to move the harness a little to the left in order to avoid the break rather than try to have everything perfectly synchronized. The opening will pass through the horse, beside the boy, a line that is mostly in shadow and therefore easily disguised. No blood involved! No harm to any animals either! Life is good.

Hazards

Learning curves come in various sizes and shapes. They take form according to the amount of fear attached. A few short months ago I had no clue how to ship a painting anywhere. That curve was straight up to disappearing. Now I know how to build a box to suit the size of the pieces being sent and usually there is little or no damage as a result. However, there does seem to be a correlation between the label “Fragile” and the number of times a piece is damaged. This not only applies to paintings but to any fragile object I might wish to send to anyone. This particular watercolour, being watercolour, required a frame that includes glass to protect the paper upon which the colour resides. It was the first time the shippers had put the dreaded label “Fragile” on the box and the way I received it indicates, unfortunately, that the painting arrived for the show in Vancouver already damaged. Sigh. Just recently another artist suggested Plexiglas for shipments. This could be a very good alternative, as I seem to be breaking things lately. I suspect the cost will restrict the choice to shipping only and that is just fine. This learning curve is much shorter and not nearly so steep. Life is good.