Triggers, Spirals and Transformation

I suspect it is part of the human condition. This past week has provided distinct learning curves within the negative patterning of my being. Over the years I have become an observer of certain recurring triggers. We all experience them. Some of us can name them and others have no idea why they spiral into depression. A particularly powerful, deep-rooted hook set off the usual reactions within me. The regular routine for me is a period of pain, followed by anger and self-recrimination leading to severe depression and damaged relationships. This is not something I wish to repeat. In the past I have tried various forms of resistance: positive thinking, distraction, journaling and bubble baths. Recently I have discovered “Welcoming Prayer”. I must admit this is not something I do perfectly. What I have noticed however is a distinct difference in results. Instead of resisting I welcomed the pain, the feelings, the past memories. I welcomed them until I felt as if I really did welcome them: quiet, calm, soft words of repeated welcome. In the ensuing state of sadness I released the long held anchors of self-hate: I let go of my desire for perfection, I let go of my desire to be accepted, I let go of my desire for control, etc. The space created within me allows for hugs, nurturing and healthy grieving. Yes, I am grieving a loss. I am allowing the pain and in the allowing it passes. Instead of months or weeks the process takes a few hours. The second and third triggers were not dealt with so effectively but I did manage to take the birthday cake to the party as is. Its abstracted nature did not detract from its excellent taste! Life is still good.

The link for more information on the Redwater Art Society workshop “Developing Landscapes in Acrylic” is: Alannah Ronnie norleas@shaw.ca or Carol Mervyn Keon lostdogartc@gmail.com

Hidden in Plain Sight

I love mystery. When I create a garden the path leads around corners where surprises lay hidden. I am delighting in the direction my painting is leading me.  I have a small idea where we might be going and then, on the other hand, I may know nothing! Today I just followed and found faces among the splotches and blobs. There is excitement in the air as I discern the conversation. The theme has been born. At one point I just stopped as I felt a certain tension and frustration within me, an occurrence which surfaces when I have been out of the studio for too long. Three weeks is too long. I stepped back and told myself to just listen. Gaze, listen and relax. The act of contemplation, letting go of results and submerging in the pleasure of texture, colour and rhythm, often opens doors formerly closed. This moment of being, just being, is so necessary for our wellbeing in all walks of life. I am fortunate to pursue a livelihood conducive to wellness. Life is good.

Lesson Plans and Learning Curves

Life gets in the way sometimes. I am so far behind I can see my tail! Studio withdrawal is setting in and there is no end in sight… One of these days I will pick up a brush just to relieve the tension. Part of what I do as an artist to pay the bills is teach. At the moment I am involved with two schools, one as a consultant and the other teaching senior high students something about art. It is a work in progress as I learn where the holes are in their education. Both groups are fun. It has been about thirty years since I stepped into classroom responsibilities. Learning how to use Smart Boards is fascinating. Developing modules and evaluation systems has taken up a lot of time. I am rusty…. I also have a two-day workshop in Redwater on March 26^th and 27^th on painting a landscape in acrylics. That should be fun too. I will post a link next week in case you are interested in attending. Life is full, life is good.

Relationships

In the midst of experimentation it is the relationships between one colour or intensity against another that makes or breaks the harmony. The allowing of colours to flow fluid across a surface produces a certain translucence which permits other colours to peek through creating a lovely vibrancy. I chose to add some opaque colours or neutrals juxtaposed to the delicacy of movement and discovered a discord rather than a harmony. This too is the case when we are building relationships with one another. Carefully chosen words expressed in love and transparency lead to lasting, trusting communions of souls. Camouflaged, opaque expressions intending to hide something underneath undermine. However not everyone can be trusted. Not everything can be transparent. Although I do not like the initial ambiance created by my choice of opaque I will continue to explore in other areas and decide to open up later or leave it alone. So much fun! Life is good.

The Process

Centring prayer has become more important in my life lately. It is an ancient form of prayer something similar to the Buddhist practice of “emptying” I was told. The idea is to get to a point of communion with God in that space within each of us where he dwells. Sounds easy… I find if I do manage to quiet my mind well enough to listen I tend to fall asleep! Sigh… In any case contemplation has been a part of my painting process for a very long time. With the various experiments I am in the midst of performing I am now at that point of contemplation: where do I go from here? Is it finished? Now what? I imagine it is something like sitting on an egg. The excitement is rising as I am beginning to see the next steps. There is a hint of tissue paper in the air with colours I do not have on hand: more mess! So much fun! All of that is on hold until tomorrow though. I have lesson plans to make and lessons to teach, people to meet and places to go. As I grow older I am better able to go with the flow. Life is so good.